Our Spring 2014 Ohio Adventure

Dear Em,
A couple weeks ago we had the most amazing trip to Ohio. It was the first time since your aunt Jayme & I became mothers that we had a visit where no one was sick. Winning! With everyone healthy, Jayme & I got brave. We had three kids ages 4 & under (one of you a newborn). That may seem daunting for some- or maybe it just seemed daunting for me- but it didn't stop us. I was so thrilled to watch you experience some really fun & amazing things.

We started off easy with a trip to the supermarket. Jayme & I took two carts. Jayme took baby D, while you & T drove me around in a car cart. Not used to shopping with two kids, I remarked that you two were the loudest & rowdiest kids ever. A nearby shopper looked down at the two of you as you poked each other & screamed. She smiled at you fondly & said "they seem pretty tame to me." Ha! Clearly this is why I only have one child.

The next day we packed you three kids in the car (with everything in the world you could ever need, but of course Jayme & I forgot to pack ourselves lunch) & headed to the Cincinnati Zoo. This is our second time visiting, & the zoo is so large we've only been able to make it through half of it each time. It's really an incredible zoo. You had a blast learning about animals that are different than what we have at our zoo. You even pet some snakes & fed a camel.

We hit up the outlet shops the next day- all children's stores of course. You LOVE shopping. When you weren't helping me "find good deals," you were helping to push baby D in the stroller. There may have been a near melt down in Yankee Candle (our one non-children's store splurge- there were so many children & so many breakable things), but we got to follow it up with a picnic lunch & time on the playground. I can't stress this enough. Every outdoor shopping area should have a playground. It made for much happier little shoppers & therefore much happier mommies.

That evening we headed to the farm for a swim. It was such a fun surprise when T's grandfather asked us if we wanted to help feed the cows on the farm. What a cool experience.

The next day we visited Aunt Jayme's YMCA. I think she was using it as a bribe to try to get us to move to Ohio. They basically had a children's water park outside. You had a blast. Aunt Jayme & I juggled three kids, making sure you were fed & everyone stayed alive. Aunt Jayme asked if I remembered the days where we used to just lay by a pool & soak up sun. I fondly smiled as I remembered those quiet days. There haven't been many of them over the past four and a half years. Seriously though, I feel like people have three kids all the time. While all you kids were amazing, it was incredibly exhausting to keep you all alive & fed & happy- and I was only sharing the kids duties with Jayme. During nap time that day, I passed out. How do people do it in real life?

We had a BBQ that night & you roasted marshmallows in the fire pit.

We spent our last day with Jayme's family. Her mom pulled out Jayme's old My Little Ponies & Barbies. You were in heaven. You took a short break from Barbies & Ponies to study science with Jayme's dad. The two of you looked at stars & you decided that of all the elements, gold is your favorite. I'm raising a very expensive daughter.

We had such an amazing Ohio experience. I returned from our trip feeling a little burnt out but so thankful that we have had so many adventures in your lifetime. I love that we've been able to provide you with a place that you can call home & also provide you with experiences where you've been able to discover new places & learn different ways of life. I love that we've been able to share these adventures with people we love. I love that these adventures will help mold you into the woman you will become.

I love you so,
Mommy

Father's Day Blessings

Dear Em,
We've had a pretty incredible year so far this year. One the May highlights was being able to spend Mother's Day with you, my mom, & Daddy's mom. It was the very first time I was able to spend Mother's Day with my two favorite moms...& you of course. It was the day after your aunt Andrea & uncle Lowell's wedding. We were all tired & happy (well, you were very cranky) & at the beach. Instead of making phone calls & missing the people we couldn't be with, it was so nice to spend the day with our favorite moms.

I was thrilled when I realized the stars would align again this June, & we were able to spend Father's Day with Daddy, Papa, & Papi. Again this was the first time we were all together for a Father's Day, & it was amazing.

We started our day by giving Daddy breakfast in bed & showering him & Papi & Papa with the gifts you had made. Daddy had actually gotten out of bed before we had a chance to bring him his breakfast, but you made sure to shoo him back up into bed so you could proudly give him his "favorite breafkast in bed!"

Grandma & Papa came over later in the day. It was so nice having Nonnie, Papi, Grandma, Papa, & Uncle Jared all under our roof with us.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous. We had dinner outside & enjoyed the sunshine & the fresh air for the rest of the day.

As we ate dinner, it struck me how lucky we were to have the three most amazing & special dads at our dinner table that evening. I felt so blessed to be able to share the day & our lifetimes with them. Your Papi's smiles have gotten bigger since you entered the world. When he talks about you & the gift of being a grandfather, he beams. Your Papa has gotten younger as a grandfather. We've watched him ride pretend ponies, swing on swings, & play barbies with you. There's nothing he wouldn't do for you. Your daddy has become a better version of himself since the day you were born. His heart & his tenderness & his willingness to give has grown exponentially. He is the best Daddy & I couldn't imagine raising you with anyone else.

You got to play waitress (complete with a French accent) as you took our dessert orders & served us ice cream.

After dessert, you offered all of us pedicures. It was hilarious sweet. Everyone got to enjoy the full VIP treatment from you on Father's Day.

We ended the evening around the fire pit- talking & laughing, roasting s'mores & eating s'more cones. It was the perfect end to a perfect day.

I love you so,

Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

With high school graduations approaching, I felt like this piece found in the Yale Daily News was particularly appropriate.

"We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd “should haves...” “if I’d...” “wish I’d...”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.

We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world."

The piece below was written by Marina Keegan '12 for a special edition of the News distributed at the class of 2012's commencement exercises. Keegan died in a car accident. She was 22.

I hope you know that "you can still do anything." You "can change your mind." You "can start all over." There are always possibilities if you're willing to do the work to achieve what you want, & I'll be rooting for you the whole way.

I love you so,
Mommy

Throwback Thursday: Growing Into A Daddy

Dear Em,
With Father's Day coming up this weekend, I keep thinking about you & Daddy when he first became a Daddy. I wasn't sure what kind of Daddy yours would be. He didn't seem particularly interested in children before there was you.

To watch your Daddy instantly fall in love with you gave me a joyful feeling that I can't even fully describe.

Your Daddy shared in the parenting right from the beginning. In fact with me on bed rest, your Daddy did almost all of your diaper changes during the first two weeks. This came with it's own challenges for Daddy. I'll never forget the time he couldn't figure out how to get your teeny, squishy arms into one of your outfits. He handed you to me as a tangled up mess & told me he gave up. Ha!

There was also the time that you had started peeing as he was putting on your new diaper. He had you in one hand & was trying to grab all the materials needed to get you in another clean diaper at the same time. He had an overwhelmed look on his face, but of course instead of helping him I grabbed the camera to capture the hilarious moment.

You've grown so much in almost four and a half years, & I'm happy to say that Daddy & I have grown in our role as parents too. You have the most amazing Daddy. I love the relationship the two of you have developed. He loves you to the moon & back. I'm so very thankful for your Daddy, for the little girl who made him into one, & for our little family of three.

I love you so,

Mommy