love letters

Dear Em,

"I guess it simply goes to show that stuff will come and stuff will go. But do we cry? Goodness, No! We keep on singing."

- Pete the Cat and His four Groovy Buttons by Eric Litwin

You came home from school one day in December raving about Pete the Cat saving Christmas on a bus, & we've been Pete the Cat groupies ever since. His books are our favorites. He's such a groovy little dude. The books are fun, & also have such great messages. Plus, you can go online & download a free reading of the books. I had the pleasure of watching a circle of preschoolers sing & dance to one. Hands down, one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. Of all the books, Pete the Cat and His Four Groovy Buttons seems to be our favorite.

I used to kind of freak out when my things would get ruined. When we were younger, my sister broke my dear snow globe. I certainly cried, & I complained about it for years (& years). I chalked it up to learning from my parents to appreciate the things I had, to take care of them. And we should appreciate & take care of what we have. But in the end, stuff is just stuff.

I don't feel like that really set in for me until there was you. On the one hand, I learned to get less upset about things getting ruined because that's just the reality of having a child.  Our duvet cover that I had fallen in love with & spent much more on than I should have, became nothing more than a puke rag for more than six months after the day we brought you home. The silky, chic shirt I purchased for work had oily stains all over it after I applied sunscreen to your skin. Plus, nothing is safe from your touchy fingers...nothing.

On the other hand, having a child has taught me more so than ever before that stuff doesn't matter. Days after you were born, our laptop went crashing to the floor. We lost everything (no, we didn't back everything up, thank you for asking). We lost some of the papers we had written in college, letters we had written to each other, music, our resumes, photos...not to mention a really expensive laptop. Pre-Mommy me would have been crushed. Pre-Mommy me would have sat down & made a puddle of tears. I think your daddy looked at me & was expecting it. I think even I was expecting it. But the tears never came. I thought about how that sucked, but you were safe...our family was safe. It was going to be OK.

I see my Pre-Mommy self in you. You get upset when things get ruined, very upset. It's almost comical because you so easily ruin things...except for the unconsolable, crying three year old that runs to my lap. Things rip & things break & things get lost, & I watch you fall apart. That's just life for a dramatic three year old who has a hard time being careful. But I hope that Pete the Cat helps you to see that "stuff will come and stuff will go." I hope when stuff goes, you'll get up & "keep singing your song."

I love you so,
Mommy

you can't trust groundhogs

Dear Em,
Didn't the groundhog say that spring would come early this year? Then why is it starting to look like a winter wonderland outside? I guess it just goes to show you that you can't trust groundhogs. I don't even trust weather people (although I kinda hope you become one someday, only in that occupation can you be wrong more than 50% of the time & still have a job). I don't know why I put my trust in a groundhog.

The white stuff may be starting to cover the ground outside, but inside there's plenty of Spring green to make us smile. This month we have two holidays to celebrate: St Patrick's Day & Easter. Your Daddy & I will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day in Prague (do they even celebrate St. Patrick's Day in Prague???), but that doesn't stop us from getting into the spirit here.

I took some time on Sunday to take down all the winter & Valentine's Day decor & welcome the Spring. I mostly used what we already have, but added a few new things here & there. You walked down the stairs. "Oh, Mommy, it's beautiful! I love the flowers & everything!" I think it's so stinkin' cute at such a young age that you notice the little details.

This year you joined in some of the decorating fun. After putting up a few shamrocks on our back doors, I let you go for it with window markers. You had a blast making a new, springy masterpiece.

We did a little St. Patty's Day themed photo shoot. I had to bribe you with pink marshmallows, & you still mostly looked at everything except the camera. Luckily we still got some wicked cute ones, & I used them to make something festive to hang on our door.

Since we're also celebrating Easter this year, I sprinkled in some Easter fun here & there. I can't seem to find our eggs from last year. Looks like I'm going to have to travel to the hardware store to steal borrow more paint samples. Hmmmm, I was hoping to paint our front door & shutters...

I love you so,

Mommy

Stickers

Dear Em,
Lately it's been the little things that make me smile the most. You've been the little teacher at home a lot. We constantly watch you put your babies & stuffed animals in a circle for circle time. You read books & sing songs before bringing them to the table for snack time. Daddy & I join in on the fun too. You have special school names for us. I get to be Emma & Daddy is Richard (as a teacher, you surely can't call us Mommy & Daddy).

This is how it went the other day.

Emma: "Richard, you're doing so great. I'm going to give you a sticker."
You proceeded to give "Richard" stickers all over his sweatshirt.
Emma: "Hey, I've been good too. I think I should also get some stickers."
You gave yourself one, realized your sticker was disproportionate to "Richard's," & piled on more & more stickers.
Emma: "There, we each have ten stickers."

I'm not sure if you're going to be a teacher when you grow up, but I would like to sign up for your class. I'm also going to buy stock in stickers.

I love you so,

Mommy

Daddy's 30th Birthday Recap

Dear Em,
We had such a fun but low-key weekend celebrating Daddy's 30th birthday. Knowing how tricky I typically am, your Daddy was tip-toeing around every corner as if an embarrassing surprise was going to jump out at him. I have a little bit of a reputation of going overboard with birthday surprises (for his 21st birthday, I let everyone know by hanging fliers all over our college campus). This year I was a little disappointed with myself. After our San Francisco trip, I was all out of surprises. "We already gave you your surprise, Daddy. It was just a book," you told him (we had given him a book & a putter as gifts). I think your daddy was mostly relieved.

We started the weekend by dropping you off at Grandma & Papa's house for a fun sleepover. Daddy & I joined so many of our friends at Malted Barley. Malted Barley has quickly become one of our favorite spots in Rhode Island. I'm not sure what is more impressive, the beer menu or the soft pretzel menu. Well, your Daddy is more impressed with the beer, & I could eat every soft pretzel on the menu in one sitting. There's live music on the weekends & free foosball downstairs. It was so fun to meet up with friends in a casual & laid back setting. The moment it struck midnight, we were actually driving home & I serenaded Daddy with my very best Happy Birthday to You rendition as I drove. Daddy smiled & said the night was perfect- exactly what he wanted.

The best thing Daddy got the next morning was the gift of sleeping in. With you sleeping at Grandma & Papa's, there was no 6am wake up call at our house. We met you & Grandma & Papa for an early lunch at El Tapatio, one of our favorite spots for Mexican food. While I didn't have any surprises up my sleeves, you & Grandma did. You had made fun birthday hats for us all to wear. 

After lunch we mostly just relaxed. It's a good thing too. You were pooped from the celebrations & ready to go into a sweets coma after eating the fried ice cream (so yummy). You actually asked to go to bed. That NEVER happens. Daddy & I took advantage of the quiet time & watched Game of Thrones. Daddy loved watching the show so much, he got the books for Christmas. He read three of the books in two months (& they're really long books). One of his birthday wishes was that I would watching the show with him. I'm now a fan as well (warning, it's definitely not for kids). We watched the whole first season this weekend.

The next day, I did have one surprise. Using post it notes, we filled 30 of them with reasons we love Daddy. I made a scavenger hunt for you & Daddy throughout the house (& a couple clues were outside). We weren't sure how it would go for you. You're not the best at looking for things, often not seeing what is right in front of your face. I was thrilled to see you had a blast. "Mommy, we found another clue!" You were practically bursting with excitement. It made me happy to see Daddy smile & sometimes chuckle as he read each of the 30 reasons why we love him. It was such a sweet activity for the two of you to do together (& good exercise, I accidentally had you going up & down the stairs the whole time).

I asked you why you love Daddy, & you responded very matter of factly. "Because he's my hero." Seriously, my heart melted into a puddle on the floor. I'm so glad he is, & I'm so glad we were able to share a fun weekend together celebrating him.

I love you so,

Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

"In these bodies we will live,

in these bodies we will die

Where you invest your love,

you invest your life..."

- Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons

Tomorrow is your Daddy's birthday, & it's a big one...his 30th birthday. 30 years might seem like a long time to you. It may even seem ancient. But believe me, it goes by in the blink of an eye.

This weekend we will be celebrating the 30 years that one of the most amazing men I know has lived on this earth. I'm so fortunate to have shared almost 12 years of them with him, & you've shared 3. I can't tell you how unbelievably lucky we are to share the years ahead with your daddy.

When I met your daddy, we were both so young & had a lot of growing up to do. At first, in my eyes he was just a cute guy with a fun personality. We navigated through the growing years together, & each day I learned something new about him. I saw how strong he can be when he needs to be & also how vulnerable. I saw how he can be sensitive but also let things roll off his back. I watched him support me through really tough times & make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. Little by little I knew that this was the man that I wanted to spend my life with- the man I wanted to continue to grow with.

We had always planned to have kids, but your daddy was never really a kids guy. Throughout my pregnancy, your daddy wondered if he would be a good father. I never questioned it. I knew what kind of man he was. During my labor, your daddy gave me strength when I had none. He soothed me in exactly the way I needed. He encouraged me in exactly the way I needed. I was a bumbling disaster, my mind clouded with what I couldn't do. He never left my side & helped me see I could. I'll never ever forget that. 

And when he held you in his arms for the first time, well, it was love at first sight. The amazing, over the moon kind of love that you can't know...until you do. I always knew he would be a great father, but I never knew him quite like this. This man that plays barbies with you. This man that tells you you only have to eat three more bites & you can have dessert when tears fill your eyes because I've instructed you to eat ten. This man whose heart breaks everyday when he drops you off to school & you cling to him crying. His heart has grown in ways I can't explain. You two have a groovy kind of love, a love that's special between just you too. I'm not jealous. If anything it makes me love your daddy even more.

This year, the last of Daddy's twenties, has been full, really full. We have gone on some amazing adventures & had some precious moments. There have also been some tough moments. I've been traveling more for work. This means more of the parenting has fallen to Daddy, but I haven't had to worry. I've been able to give my 100%, because I know you two are more than great at home. You two take care of each other in a way that makes my heart so full & happy tears fill my eyes.

The other night, Daddy said he was tired. I think it was 6pm, maybe earlier. You got him a blanket, tucked him in, climbed up onto the couch with him, & read him some books before "bed." To watch you two together is enough to make anyone believe that dreams come true.

So, happy birthday to Daddy. It's been 30 great years & we can't wait to share many, many more with such an amazing man.

I love you so,

Mommy

Saying "No Thanks" to Bags

Dear Em,

When I was in college, I was ready to change the world. I was going to make a difference & make it fast. Then I got out into the real world & bureaucracy, red tape, & politics overwhelmed me. It's not that I can't change the world. It's not that anyone can't. It's just not as easy as you think it is when you're 20 years old. Plus, in the last 10 years, little victories have become bigger victories to me. I mean, I give myself a round of applause if I get the laundry cleaned, folded, & put away in less than 24 hours.

Back to college...I had taken an honors course about sustainability and the environment. Three of my friends and I were fired up. We were inspired. To finish the honors program, we had to complete an independent study. Our study was centered around sustainability in Rhode Island, & we took a four pronged approach. There are so many ways as Rhode Islanders that we could be more sustainable, but my group proposed four methods. First, we researched composting the food scraps that came from the URI dining halls to cut down on the waste we were contributing to the community. Another area we looked at was the Rhode Island education system. We researched how much sustainability was part of the core curriculum & proposed bringing more into Rhode Island's classrooms. The thought was that it won't be about making better sustainable choices of its embedded into our education from the beginning. Then it's just a way of life. Our last proposal was bringing a bag tax to Rhode Island in hopes that if we cut down on bags, we'd be eliminating more waste. Our ideas were presented in a website with other helpful information that could be used as a resource for Rhode Islanders who were interested in being sustainable. There weren't many "think green" websites back then, & we could see that this was the future of how people would look for (paperless) information.

I was once so inspired, & yet our project hasn't even crossed my mind much in the past ten years (to be honest, I forgot what some of the components of our project even were). Instead, my thoughts were consumed with getting married, buying a house, having & raising a child, & balancing it all while excelling at my job. I'm not sure where any of our proposals even went. I honestly have no idea what happened to our website or if it even still exists (although, it looks like other sites have taken it's place). I'm not sure what they're doing in Rhode Island's classrooms to promote sustainability (I'm sure I'll find out when you start kindergarten in a few years). I had hope when I read an article this past summer that indicated URI is still considering the compost process (as well as other sustainability initiatives). But, we still don't have a bag tax in Rhode Island. 

And then I traveled to San Francisco.

Rhode Island may not have a bag tax, but San Francisco does. As we purchased things, we were asked if we wanted a bag. If we did, we were charged 10 cents per bag. It's nothing that breaks the bank. 10 bags= $1. For me, it was more about having the option of saying "no thanks" to bags. I actually had a moment to think, "Do I really need this bag?" before accepting it.

I guess I do have the option of saying "no thanks" to bags in Rhode Island, but it actually kind of stresses me out. When I go shopping at the mall, the shopping bags are marketing reminders that tell everyone else at the mall "Hey, look! I shopped there." Typically during one shopping trip I could fit all of my purchases into one bag, but I feel almost guilty when I tell sales clerks I don't need a bag. It's like I'm saying "I don't want people to know that I shopped here." In other situations like drug stores, I don't need a bag for my small purchases but the sales clerk has my tiny item in a bag before I've even paid. I just feel like a pain to say "Yeah, I don't need that bag" & asking them to take it out. I know it's mostly in my head, but saying "no thanks" to bags just makes me feel guilty.

In San Francisco, I can't even tell you how nice it was to be asked if I wanted a bag. I think I only said yes once. In fact, your Aunt Andrea & I spent an afternoon shopping & she thought I hadn't bought anything because instead of buying a bag I just carried my items in my purse (which to be honest, felt slightly weird. I was worried people would peer into my purse & think I was stealing).

I wonder how much waste is saved in San Francisco simply by asking people if they want a bag? How much waste could be saved if the whole world followed suit? Who knows, maybe our group of four hasn't given up. Maybe we just haven't finished yet. Maybe someday we'll see our honors project proposals come to life in Rhode Island. I would hope it would happen beforehand, but it's possible that it will be our kids bringing our proposals to life. You never know.

I love you so,

Mommy

Homemade Fairytales

Dear Em,
During one particularly frustrating morning...after I had dumped a bag of granola all over the floor...you took a moment to tell me a story.

Emma: "Once upon a time, there was a really, meany mommy."
Me: "What?!"
Emma: "Well, you wouldn't let me help you sweep the floor!"
Me: "Once upon a time, there was a really sweet girl who loved her mommy so much she gave her a million hugs & kisses."
Emma: "No, that's not in my story!"
Me: "Well, I like that story."
Emma: "No. Once upon a time there was a really, stinky Mommy...Happily ever after."

Afraid of being dubbed a wicked witch in all of your future fairytales, I gave you a turn with the broom.

Have I mentioned you're crazy dangerous with a broom? I'm not sure if you were sweeping granola or slaying dragons in our kitchen, but you had a blast.

I love you so,

Mommy

Daddy's Restaurant

Dear Em,
On the weekends we like to go someplace special for breakfast. Lucky for us, we never have to wait for a table, the service & the food are always excellent, & we never have any trouble getting served in our jammies. Where do we go? It's a little place we like to call Daddy's Restaurant.

You & I sit on stools at the breakfast bar & chat while we watch Daddy cook. On any given weekend, he makes pancakes or waffles or french toast or egg sandwiches. The food is always amazing, the company is even better, & we pay for our meals in hugs & kisses. It's the best.

I think when you're older, eating at Daddy's restaurant is going to be among some of my favorite memories.

I love you so,

Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

* This is the last of 5 posts recapping our California adventure. See also California Love: Where were you during the blizzard of 2013?, California Love: the Food, California Love: 10 Things to do in San Francisco, & California Love: Wine Country *

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep."

- Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Muir Woods National Monument was one of my favorite stops during our vacation. It was just so magical. I wanted to run around and play hide & seek, using the giant Red Woods as cover. I wanted to sit at the base of a giant tree & read for hours. I wanted to climb (which totally isn't allowed, I broke the rules by going off the path to hug a tree). Wouldn't it be wicked cool to have a forest like this where we live?

Sigh, Red Woods, I think I will miss you most of all. Em, let's put this on the list of magical places I want to take you.

I love you so,

Mommy

California Love: Wine Country

Dear Em,

* This is the fourth of 5 posts recapping our California adventure. See also California Love: Where were you during the blizzard of 2013?, California Love: the Food, California Love: 10 Things to do in San Francisco, & love letters *

It's hard to believe that less than ten years ago your daddy & I both thought wine was gross. I remember going to a work function. Everyone had a glass of wine with dinner. My manager asked me what I would like. I didn't know. It was all gross to me. I panicked & asked for a white zinfandel, the only one I think I knew the name of. He looked at me & said, "the 80s called, & they want their wine back"- in front of all the other professionals at the table. I could feel my cheeks turn bright red. I wanted to hide under the table.

My best friend Jayme was the first one to take us out to try some wine. We started with a Riesling. It was light & sweet, & the first wine I can say I liked. From there we gradually tried other wines throughout the years. We even did a fun tour of some wineries in the Finger Lakes in New York. Surprisingly, my pallet has grown to favor red wines. It once tasted disgusting, but now I appreciate the deep & earthy tones. Plus, work functions are slightly less embarrassing.

Since touring the Finger Lakes, Napa has always been on our list of places we want to visit. Since it's just over an hour drive from San Francisco, this was a perfect opportunity. Rather than worry about where we would go & who would drive, I booked a day long bus tour (Platypus Tours) for Andrea, Lowell, your daddy, & I. The bus picked us up at our hotel at 10am. We were joined with a group of women celebrating a birthday & our bus driver Tony. Tony had a long history of wine tasting and working. She had three rules. You had to have fun, there would be no talk of politics, & you had to stay hydrated. She was my kind of tour guide. She taught us that we have taste buds all over the inside of our mouths, & to really taste our wine we should slurp like Hannibal Lecter does in Silence of the Lambs. That kind of creeped me out. Of course, if that was too weird, we could just swish it around.

Our first stop was Black Stallion Winery. It was rustic & cozy inside, with a fireplace glowing. We were given information about the year & types of wine we tried. We practiced our new swishing technique (some of us practiced the Hannibal technique). I actually really like swishing my wine. I'm not sure if I taste it anymore than before, but it makes the inside of my mouth tingly.

This winery didn't just sell wine. There was clothing, scarves, jewelry, & trinkets like you would find at a farmer's market lining tables & shelves as well. Shopping & wine tasting seem like such a nice combo, don't you think? It made for a nice first stop.

On the way to our next stop, Tony handed out bottled waters (totally my kind of tour guide!). She also pointed out the mustard flowers that grew alongside of the vines to protect the vines from bugs. She told us that rose bushes at the end of a row of vines aren't for aesthetics. The health of a vine is proportional to the health of the rose bush. If the roses are blooming, the vines are healthy. Tony pointed out popular vineyards. We didn't stop at most of those. Instead, she took us to wineries that were a little off the beaten path & not crowded with tourists. I liked her style.

I loved the vivid yellow colors of the mustard flowers.

Our next stop was Paoletti Estates Winery. We sat at a large farmer's table to try a number of wines. After our tasting we headed to the eccentric wine cave for lunch. The cave was full of wine barrels, which is totally normal. What was surprising were the ceramic sculptures that filled the cave. There were topless women & naked cherubs. There were busts of people that the owner of the winery felt were notable. They ranged from Napoleon to Ronald Regan. The walls of the wine cave had been painted with very expensive wine. It was probably one of the most interesting places I've ever sat down to eat.

With the rest of our tour group.

Still practicing the swishing technique.

Inside the wine cave.

The outside grounds were beautiful as well.

You know, just looking at the vineyard, acting totally normal.

We made a quick stop at Castello di Amorosa to see the winery that is a castle. It's a real castle. The owner bought it from Italy, had it disassembled, & rebuilt it back in Napa. The grounds were full of vines & animals. Chickens & ducks & sheep roamed freely. We didn't taste wine here. We just marveled at the real life medieval castle in the middle of rustic Napa.

Our third wine tasting was at Tudal Family Winery, & it was my favorite location of all. The main building looked like a big barn & we tasted wine in the middle of a garden. It reminded us a little of the Umbrella Factory in Rhode Island. It was rustic, with metal sculptures filling the garden & a broken down red tractor in front of the main building. The sun was shining down on the fields of yellow mustard flowers & vines, & I enjoyed every moment of wine tasting in the sunshine. The wine was great, & if you bought a bottle, they waved the tasting fees.

We did a quick speed tasting at Sutter Home Winery, just to have been at Sutter Home Winery. It was packed, but the tasting was free. It was neat to visit the winery where all the bottles of wine we see in the liquor stores come from.

Our last wine tasting was at Laird Family Estates. We had a private tasting outside, just the four of us. I think our favorite part was the guy who did our tasting. He was funny & down to earth & a fan of the wines. He would start by telling us to choose one wine or the other to taste, & then would say they were both so good we should really taste both. So, we tasted them all. It almost felt like sitting down with a friend rather than doing a wine tasting. The tasting fees were waved if you bought a bottle of wine here as well, & we picked up a couple to bring home with us. We enjoyed our last moments in the sunshine, & then our bus headed back to our hotel.

I'm so glad we got to experience Napa in the sunshine, but I think we all agreed that one day of wine tasting was quite enough for one vacation.

I love you so,

Mommy