Manners & Stickers & American Girl Dolls

Dear Em,
Reading and writing weren't the only things we worked on this summer. We also worked on manners. It would seem, my sweet little child, that sometimes you can be quite demanding. Oftentimes you have a little bit of an attitude, like a teenage attitude. Only, you're three.

It got to a point this summer where I was absolutely exasperated. Where did this rude little child come from? How do I get my child back (one with the manners of a southerner & the feistiness of a northerner)? For sure, responding back to your demands in aggravation wasn't helping. Constant reminders of using your "manner words" wasn't helping either.

In an act of desperation, I thought of stickers. Actually first I thought of ice cream, but then I thought of all the studies that say it's not good for your child to relate food to happiness & accomplishments...Bla Bla Bla... In my gut I thought the studies were all crap, but in my heart I worried about messing you up even further. So to be on the safe side, we'll go with stickers. I haven't seen any studies about stickers. Through gifts & activity books, & the tons of rolls that we got from Oriental Trading Company last spring, we had an endless supply. They would work perfect for my great idea.

I told you that for every time you used your manners words without prompting, you could have a sticker. You could use the stickers to decorate your cardboard castle. Once you had fifty stickers, we would take you out for a surprise.

I was correct in my prediction about how excited you would be about our little manners & stickers project. All of a sudden, your manners flowed from your mouth like a beautiful never ending song. You even said things like, "please, can I give you a hug," & then thanked me for giving you a hug. It shouldn't have surprised me that it didn't take long for you to collect 50 stickers. Perhaps I should have made it a goal of 100 or 1000 stickers, but this was an act of desperation on a Wednesday morning. I admit it wasn't the most thought out plan. So, we were off to Target to pick out a surprise. You picked out a little Barbie sized Princess Sofia doll.

Since that first surprise, we haven't really continued with the whole manners-stickers system. For one thing, you were kind of over the sticker part. It became too labor intensive for you to stop playing or whatever you were doing, go get a sticker, & put it on your castle. But I think you were still more mindful of your manners.

Then the American Girl Doll catalog came in the mail, & you fell in love with all things American Girl. You told me you wanted your very own American Girl Doll more than you wanted anything else in the whole world. I told you that they were very expensive, & that you were going to have to show us that you were big-girl enough to take care of one. If you could be a big girl who is helpful & kind & uses her manners, we could ask Santa (or Nonnie) about possibly getting you one for Christmas.

I didn't immediately equate your more exceptional than your normal three-year-oldness behavior with American girl. We had noticed that you were actually doing the things we asked you to, going out of your way to be helpful, cleaning up after yourself, & using the sweetest little manners. I just thought maybe you were growing up. Maybe we were making our way out of the tantrum threes & into the sweet-spot fours.

Then you had a little bit of a challenging day. There were a few timeouts, & at the end of the day you & I talked about using better listening ears. You looked up at me solemnly & whimpered, "Now I'm not going to get my American Girl?" I then realized that the American Girl Doll was basically one great big sticker, one that I hope we can milk all the way to Christmas.

Hey, I'll take what I can get.

I love you so,
Mommy

Summer Dinners with Friends

Dear Em,
There's been a chill in the air each morning when we wake up, & I've layered you with pants & sweaters for the first time in a long time. Then, true to New England & it's inability to make up it's mind weather-wise, today we woke up with a warm, mugginess in the air. It almost feels like summer again. We had such a gorgeous summer this year, & we tried to soak up as much outside time as possible. In fact, even our Thursday night dinners with friends were centered around fun, outdoor, summery things to do. They were some of my favorites yet.

Ok, so our first summer dinner wasn't outside, but it was really fun. Sometimes when I'm with some of my best friends, I feel like we haven't really grown up at all. Dave & Busters is perfect for us, because we were free to truly be kids. The food was good, but the fun that followed was better. My favorite after dinner activities were air hockey & skee ball (we used the tickets we had won to get a little Hello Kitty stuffed animal to bring home to you).

Later in the summer, we all met at our alma mater, URI. I love URI in the summer, because the campus is mostly empty & quiet. We're free to roam & let you explore without dodging college students (or feeling old). I thought what better a place to meet for a fun dinner than where we first met our great group of friends? This time we included our kids, & it was fun to see how our families have grown.

We picked up dinner at the URI Emporium. You got Orange Leaf frozen yogurt (the Emporium has come a long way since I was there for school). I got falafel. We were all happy. We ate our food picnic style on the quad. After we ate, we all played frisbee, tossed a football, played wifelball/tball, and ended the night with a hilarious game of kickball.

Our last summer dinner was in Narragansett at a perfect outdoor spot, Monahans. You got to come along again. It was a small group this time, but we enjoyed each others company as we ate oceanside. After filling up on seafood, we went for a walk on the wall followed by a terrific performance at the gazebo.

Sigh, it makes my heart so happy that we are able to have fun with some of our favorite people, & this summer we were able to do it in some of my favorite spots. No matter how crazy life is, when we get together there's no shortage of laughter. I'm going to miss our summer dinners & adventures with friends, but I'm looking forward to the time we'll share with friends in the fall & winter...even if it will be indoors.

Can you tell I'm more of a summer gal?

I love you so,
Mommy

Daddy's Girl

Dear Em,
Is there anything more beautiful than a precious moment shared between a Daddy & his daughter?

Sigh.

I love you so,

Mommy

and just like that I became a soccer mom...

Dear Em,
This season has been one of new beginnings for you. Last week you started school, gymnastics, & had your very first soccer game. My brothers played soccer growing up, & I've been looking forward to when you would get your chance. Since this is your first season participating in sports, we're hoping you would learn a little about working with a team & work off some of your unlimited energy. Most of all, we just want you to have fun.

We started by purchasing you the gear. Did you know that even at age three you need soccer cleats? I do now. I also realized that you don't have any casual, exercise shorts (can you play soccer a tu-tu?). We picked up a couple pairs of those & found you some shin guards, soccer socks, a couple soccer balls, & a sports bag. Luckily, I was able to purchase everything in pink. You were soccer-thrilled.

Once you had the gear, we started to go over some of the basics at home. Since Daddy & I never played soccer, the only basics we know are very, very basic. We were fortunate to have your uncle Jared with with us. He and Daddy went over some skills with you.

I helped you work on your intimidating soccer stare.

Then it came time for your very first practice with your team. I could tell you were nervous about it as soon as you woke up that morning. You were an emotional mess, with the slightest things bringing you to tears. After pulling up to the field where you would meet your team, I went to help you out of the car. Your eyes were so vulnerable & so earnest. "Mom, I really hope they like me," you said so seriously. My heart broke into a million pieces in the parking lot. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm sure they'll love you. Just try your best."

We introduced you to your coach & then joined the other parents on the sidelines. As the coach began his instruction, we watched to see what you would do. For a few moments you just stood there, watching everyone else follow the coaches instructions. "Oh no, I was worried this would happen. She's just standing there. Come on, Em," Daddy pleaded to himself with a worried and expectant look on his face. This being your very first sport or team activity, we knew it was going to take time, but we hoped you would at least participate. I felt helpless just standing on the sidelines, willing you with my mind to join the others & follow the coach.

Your coach looked back & saw you standing still. "You OK, Emma?" He walked up to you & showed you again what the rest of the team was working on. That was all it took. For the rest of the practice you did everything your coach asked you. Daddy & I were amazed at how great he was with your young team. Instead of saying, "stay in bounds," he told you outside of the cones was water & you wanted to "stay out of the water." When explaining toe touches, he said to think of your ball like it's an egg & you don't want to "smash the egg." He was great, & you were learning how to play soccer.

You were also the only girl on your team, but there still won't be any shortage of pink & frills. While you worked on your soccer skills, you also worked on your twirls & gracefully falling until one of the boys asked if you were OK. Daddy & I smiled as we shook our heads.

The coach ended practice by having you all put one hand in & shout "TEAM" (which you've been teaching all of your little friends to do since). As you ran off the field, you had a great big grin covering your face. "I love soccer," you told us, "& I really have soccer skills."

The night before your first game. We practiced one more time as a family in our yard. Daddy & I realized that you had never played with a goal before & the thought of having to kick the ball to the goal might seem confusing. We turned a chair on it's side & told you it was a goal & explained that to score in soccer, you had to kick your ball into the goal. You spent the next 30 minutes "decorating" our goal with your pink & white toys. "Tomorrow should be interesting," your Daddy remarked with a smile.

When we got to the field the next morning we got your new jersey (it was red & not pink, but you were OK with that). We had the choice between the number 3 & number 5. I felt kinda put on the spot. Numbers are funny things. The number we chose now could be your number that stuck with you for life. It was kind of a big decision to make just like that. Since you are three, we ended up going with the number three. We put it on you, & the shirt went down halfway to your knees. It was so stinkin' adorable.

After a little practice, it was time to start the game. The ball was kicked off, & Grandma, Papa, Daddy & I watched you just stand there looking confused. I understood the confusion. Up until this point, everyone on your team had practiced with their own ball. All of a sudden you were all on the same field with only one ball. Except for when your coach asked you to kick the ball in, you mostly stood & looked confused for the next few plays.

When it came time for a water break, Daddy & I gave you a little pep talk. We talked about how there would only be one ball, & reminded you of some of the things you had practiced. We told you it was OK to try to kick the ball away from the other team. When you returned to the field, we saw you run with a little more confidence. You started to at least make your way toward where the ball was. Once you got to the ball, it was a different story. It was clear you just weren't going to try to kick the ball away from another child. At one point, you got the ball & started to break down the field. We all cheered, but when a little girl from the other team ran up to try to kick the ball away from you, you stopped. You smiled & waved & said hello as the girl stole the ball away from you & kicked the ball toward the opposite goal (so much for the intimidating soccer stare).

Your daddy & I got it. We've been telling you to share & that it's not nice to take things from people your whole life. You just don't have that aggressive instinct. If another child wants the soccer ball you're kicking, that's OK. You'd rather just make friends. I absolutely understand that. It's one of the reasons I became a cheerleader instead of joining other sports teams. When it came down to it, I'd rather work with a team than compete against one.

Your daddy & I looked around the field. There were a few kids who were already pretty good at soccer. Then there was one kid rolling in a patch of dirt. One child was crying (he was clearly also confused as to why everyone didn't get to have their own ball). One child  refused to participate in the game at all (it took his poor dad half the game just to get him to put his jersey on). One child was amazing at stealing the ball, even from her own teammates. Two goals were scored on your team by members of your own team. It was clear that the USA soccer teams wouldn't be calling any of you kids anytime soon, but there you were playing soccer...the very best you could. And you were having fun, & Daddy & I were thrilled to watch it. It was really stinkin' cute.

You ended the game by putting your hands in & yelling team before giving high fives to the other team (at least you all were supposed to high five each other, mostly you all stood in a clump looking confused). Then you ran to the sidelines where Daddy, Grandma, Papa, & I were waiting for you. You were over the moon that you had just played your first soccer game & that we had been there to watch you & cheer you on.

Just like that, I became a soccer mom.

I love you so,
Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

"I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart..."

- Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz

You are a huge music fan, & by fan I mean almost every song you hear on the radio is your "favorite song" (at least on 93.3)...except this song. After just one time hearing it on the radio, you went on a rampage.

"Mommy, did you hear that?! He said he's going to break your heart. That's not nice! He shouldn't do that. I think we should talk to him & tell him not to do that. OK, Mommy?"

I listened to what you felt was a very serious problem, as thoughts of you walking up to Taio Cruz and telling him he wasn't being nice made me giggle. I love your simple but honest & direct take on things. Maybe if we just ask people nicely not to break our hearts, they'll listen & do things differently. If only life were that beautiful as you see it through your 3.5 year old eyes.

I do hope that as time goes on, you'll be able to communicate as honestly & directly. Should you give your heart to someone who does not hold it in the high regard it deserves, I hope you'll still be willing to speak up or move on. Knowing that you will likely experience heart break, fills me with more dread than you can ever know. I wish life could always be as simple, honest, & direct for you as it is now. But should a heart breaking moment come your way, I wish you strength & resilience. I hope that you'll be able to find beauty & love again.

And know that I will always be there to love & support you.

I love you so,
Mommy

our little gymnast

Dear Em,
This past week has been busy. Not only did you start school, you also started gymnastics. I feel like whenever I've talked to parents with older children about how busy our life is, I often get the eye roll. Then I get the "just wait until your daughter is involved in sports & activities." They look at me like I don't even have a clue. It's kind of scary.

Maybe that's why we've waited to enroll you in anything. We have been thinking about enrolling you in some type of sport for a while but hadn't done it yet. We waited until you were just a little older, & we were ready to give up traveling on the weekends. And then, because I guess we're an all or nothing type of family, we decided to enroll you in not one, but two activities: soccer & gymnastics.

I remember taking gymnastics when I was in third grade. I realized when I couldn't land a cartwheel & the rest of the class was doing walk-overs that maybe I should have started gymnastics before third grade. My expectations of your first gymnastic class mostly came from my experiences with my own. Unfortunately, I realized as soon as we walked through the doors of Aim High Academy that things have changed a lot since I was in third grade.

For starters, we quickly noticed every single girl (& there were tons) were dressed in leotards...except for you. I had dressed you in a t-shirt & a pair of shorts. I mean, that's what I wore during my short-lived third grade gymnastics career. As I looked around, I felt my face get red. We were clearly rookies.

"Why don't we just buy a leotard really quick," your grandma, seeing the racks of leotards that were for sale, sensibly asked. On the one hand, I felt like it was ridiculous for a three year old to need a leotard, on the other hand I felt really dumb for not knowing that my three year old needed a leotard. "That's a great idea," I looked at your grandma thankfully. We looked through the racks quickly & found you a tie-dye onsie. I pulled the tag off & gave it to your grandma (who had generously offered to gift it to you) & hurried to where you were standing with Daddy & Grandpa. Right in the hallway I stripped off your clothes & put on your leotard just in time for you to begin your first class.

Phew, thanks to Grandma, crisis avoided. Maybe we weren't going to look like rookies after all.

It was in the middle of this commotion that I saw one of the most devastating & offensive signs I have ever seen. The sign started with "No Parents Past This Point" (we were to stay out in the hallway & watch through the windows that lined it, no biggie, I figured it was to avoid interference from crazy parents) & ended with "No Pictures or Video Allowed." What?! You mean my daughter was taking her very first gymnastics class, her very first anything class, & I wasn't allowed to document every second of the experience?! Seriously, what?! I felt like I had lost my purpose in life. I almost cried, but I pulled myself together (maybe if they allowed pictures, I would have been able to see from someone elses photos that you needed a leotard).

With no camera or iPhone in my hand, I felt a little lost, but I was free to just watch you, I mean really watch you (from the windows of course). We watched you do stretches. We watched you leap. We watched you roll. We watched you balance on the balance beam. We watched you swing on the rings (they were your favorite). We watched you hold yourself up on the even bars. For each and every activity we watched you listen to the coaches & then performed what they had asked.

Then we watched you leave the group for a few minutes & return with your leotard on the opposite way. It was at that moment that I realized I had put your leotard on backwards. I felt my face turn tomato red again. Sigh. So much for not looking like a rookie.

Even with the embarrassment of your attire & the frustration of not being able to take five billion photos, I was absolutely dazzled by you. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was your very first gymnastics class, & right before our eyes you had transformed into a gymnast. From the gigantic smiles on your face, it was clear you were loving every precious moment.

When your class ended, you ran out of the gym like a joyful ball of energy. "Mom, did you see me? Did you see me?" You bounced straight into my arms. I was blinking back tears. I was so proud of you & excited for what will come this gymnastic season. As we turned to leave, your face changed. "But mom, I'm not ready to leave yet. Can't I do more gymnastics," you whimpered. You looked at all of the other classes going on with longing. You wouldn't take my hand to leave until I had promised you that we would return in a week.

Just outside the doors of the facility, I snapped a quick picture of my little love in her very first gymnastics leotard (I felt a little like a rebel).

Although I wasn't able to take pictures, I will hold this moment in my heart forever. It was a moment that you tried something completely knew & realized that you loved it. It was a moment that you left Mommy & Daddy (& Grandma & Papa too) behind & did amazing things without us. It was a moment that my heart overflowed with pride & love for our little gymnast. I don't know how far you will take gymnastics into your future, but I love that you loved it in this moment (even if we are rookies).

I love you so,

Mommy

First Day of School 2013

Dear Em,
You woke up yesterday looking kind of timid. In fact, you crawled back into bed three or four times before deciding you were definitely ready to face the day. I totally understood in a way you can't unless you have experienced it. Yesterday was your first day of school for 2013 (remember 2012?), & you were starting a new class.

You are a little bundle of sunshine, & one of the things we're most proud of you for is your willingness to make sure everyone feels included...that is once you feel included. We've often watched you standing on the sidelines when you're in situations where you don't know anyone else. You stand staring at the other little kids, a fearful longing to belong clearly showing on your face. "What is she doing," your daddy asks. "Why doesn't she just introduce herself & ask if she can play." I don't know if he can quite understand that fearful longing, but I do. Gatherings of any type have always given me a little anxiety when I don't know anyone. I too have stood on the sides, nervously looking in, afraid to take that first step. I've looked at the group of people in front of me & felt like I was the only new one. I've felt like the odd one out when in reality most people probably don't know each other. It's hard to put yourself out there. What if you don't connect with anyone?

This is the look I see on your face when you approach new groups. I know it well. Some people may be shocked by that, because I hide it in the roles I've taken. Over the years, I've chosen roles that force me to put myself out there (resident assistant, mentor, sales representative, facilitator). Somehow, being expected to be the first to put yourself out there takes some of the edge off. You'll see.

But back to you at 3.5. In order to get you out of bed & ready to face the day, I reminded you of all of the things about this new step that you were familiar with. We know some of your classmates from a previous class. We know your new teachers. We know & adore the new building you will be in.

You entered your classroom with a timid face & clung to my side for the first few moments. Then I saw your body relax as you were greeted by your teachers & classmates. In the middle of talking to your teacher, I noticed you were no longer by my side. You had gone to one of the tables to play doll house with some of your new classmates. It was then I knew you were going to be just fine.

You barely said goodbye to me as I left your classroom, & when I came back to pick you up you groaned. "No! I'm not ready to leave yet." Is it possible for your words to break my heart & fill my heart with joy at the same moment? As much as I was bummed not to be the bright spot in your day, I was so thrilled to find that you loved your new classroom, new teachers, new classmates...& new group so much. It made my heart so happy to see that after one day you already felt like you fit (maybe you're less like me than I thought).

You're a sunshine this year, & it's clear that your days in this new classroom are going to be full of just that. I can't believe next year you'll be starting pre-k. I feel like since the moment you were born, we've been traveling through time in warp speed. As much as I don't expect it to slow down, I think this is going to be your best year yet.

I love you so,
Mommy

our last weekend of summer

Dear Em,
The calendar may say we have 20 more days of summer, but for many of us in New England our last real days of summer end during Labor Day Weekend. We are summer people. While I love the fall, the threat of winter lies too close behind it. I don't think I'm ever quite ready to say goodbye to the summer sunshine. We never made a summer bucket list this year, but if we had I think we would have crossed almost everything off our list (& then some). But for our last weekend of summer, I made a little mental bucket list, hoping to squeeze in as many of our favorite summer activities as possible during our last weekend of summer.

You & I started with pedicures. After all, summer is all about letting your toes out.

We went out for some summer ice cream (although, Daddy & I got fall flavors: caramel apple & pumpkin).

We played at the park. I think hopscotch is one of your new favorite games. Having the park all to ourselves, we also played a sweet game of hide & seek.

We went to a beautiful wedding in a park, & you went to your very first wedding reception (ok, this probably wouldn't have been on our bucket list except that we were already invited to a wedding, but it truly was a perfect summer wedding & one of the best nights of your life).

What wasn't on our original bucket list, but we decided to fit it in was some rest & relaxation. The day was grey, & a jammies day was calling our names. Looking back on how busy our summer was, fitting in a day of rest was just what we all needed. But when the grey weather continued on the last day of our long weekend, we decided we were going out anyway.

It rained off & on all day, but that didn't stop us from enjoying our last day of summer. We watched the rain as we ate hot Rhode Island clam chowder & sandwiches at my favorite spot for chowder. When we noticed a lull in the rain, we went for a walk & checked out the boats at Watch Hill.

You gave us one last summertime gazebo performance (you love giving us gazebo performances).

We headed over to the beach, looked for shells, got our toes wet (you got most of your body wet), & took a fun family beach walk.

There was more hopscotch, our favorite kind of summer hopscotch: beach hopscotch.

We ended our last summer weekend with Dels. I can't tell you how I'm going to miss Dels (notice you are wearing my yellow zip-up, your clothes soaked so you borrowed mine). It was an amazing way to end our amazing Summer 2013.

With the end of summer comes the start of school for you. It's kinda crazy for me to think that this is the third year we are dropping you off for your first day of school. When we first dropped you off at one & a half years old, you seemed so big. Looking back now, you were really so little. Now you're a sunshine, our big girl. I'm saying little prayers for an amazing school year of exploring, adventures, friends, patient teachers, fun, & learning.

I know that this time next year I will be looking back at this year & realizing how very little you still are. It always seems to work like that.

I love you so,
Mommy