Pen Pals

Dear Em,
Last year you made the sweetest, little friend. You both love books. You both love pink. It was a match made in heaven.

Except...

You met your friend Claire at an out of state wedding. Her family lives in Pennsilvania. This doesn't make play dates easy to plan.

Luckily, her family came to visit Rhode Island for a fantastic long weekend a few months ago. It was as if no time had passed. You & Claire took up right where you left off. We loved the time we got to share with the whole family.

When it came time for Claire & her family to return home, you were devestated. I understood. It's so hard to say goodbye to dear friends, especially when you know it will be a while before you're able to be reunited. I suggested you write letters to Claire to keep in touch until we can visit her family. It didn't totally take away the sting of being apart, but you were excited to have a way to communicate...& you were really excited about the prospect of getting mail.

You wrote your first letter to her a few weeks later. Expecting to have a response the next day, you couldn't understand why the mail "was taking SOOOO long." Since then, we've had many discussions about how the postal system works. It's been an excellent lesson in patience.

When you opened the mailbox to find your first letter from Claire, you couldn't have been more excited. You read it aloud to Daddy & I. It was so fun to find out what she & her family had been up to. You "ohhhed" & "awed" over the picture she drew you & hung it up on the wall.

I smiled as I watched you write Claire a letter in return. In a world that's full of quick text, email, & facebook messages, you have a found a pen pal...& a fantastic friend.

I love you so,
Mommy

Measuring Tape

Dear Em,
You're a little learning sponge. You constantly come home with a project of some sort in mind. We have refrigerator doors full of your writings, notes to Daddy & I, lists of numbers, & even instructions on how to make stars. I love how much you love school & learning at this age.

A couple weeks ago, you made a card & had left over paper. When I found you at the dining table, you had cut strips out of the paper & had taped them together to make one, long piece of paper. The strip was longer than you are tall. You numbered it from 1 to 100.

"Mom, I made a measuring tape. Look! I'm 55!"

While no actual standard forms of measurement had been used in the making of your "measuring tape," I couldn't help but be awed by you. I remember working together to count to ten. Now you're writing out your numbers to 100...& using scissors...all by yourself.

Sometimes it's sad for me to see you grow up so quickly, but it's just as exciting to see the young lady you're becoming. I couldn't be more proud to be your mom.

I love you so,
Mommy

A Bug & A Wish

Dear Em,
You've been in kindergarten for a little over two months, & I have to admit, at times it's been a challenging transition. Through all the changes & the bumps along the way, you've really grown to love being a kindergartner. You love your little school, & you adore the new, little friends you've made along the way.

Daddy & I can't help but feel removed. When you went to Sweet Peas, we dropped you off each day. We said hi to your directors & your classmates. We got to hear about which classmate was about to have a baby brother & see which classmate brought in sea creature stuffed animals each day. We could see your classwork on the walls & had a few moments to touch base with your teachers about how they were doing & the things you were working on. When we picked you up from school, we got short glimpses of what classroom life was like for you before one of your little friends would shout out, "Emma, your mom/dad is here."

Now that you're in kindergarten, we don't get to have that daily glimpse into your school life. What we do get is the things you share with us once you get home. There are days where you can't seem to remember anything you did at school. Luckily, more often than not, you can remember little bits of your day. I love hearing about how you play zoo keeper in gym class, how you are working on identifying main characters & plots in library, & how you learned how to make a star in art. You teach me new words in Spanish each week & recite adorable poems you learned at "morning meetings." You shared with me that one little boy is the smartest kid in class...at least he told you he was & you believe him (he knows things like what a trapezoid is & what 100 + 100 equals).

One of our favorite things that you've taught us about is a bug and a wish. You were discussing with us a difficultly you were having with another classmate. He was pretending that a block was a car, & he was driving his "car" all over your body. You didn't want him driving his "car" all over your body. You explained to us that you had given him a bug & a wish. A bug & a what?? "A bug & a wish, Mom. It's where you say, 'you're bugging me & I wish you would stop.'" A bug & a wish! Isn't that the most freaking adorable thing in the world?!

Knowing how to handle conflict is not something that is inherent. It is taught & learned along the way. Your style of resolving conflict will probably evolve through different situations & different years (let me just warn you now, there is very little that works with a three year old). It makes my heart happy that, for now, you have a bug & a wish.

I have to say, there are many times in my work day that I would LOVE to use a bug & a wish.

I love you so,
Mommy

UNO!

Dear Em,
I remember many family nights playing UNO together as I was growing up. We played the version of the game where you picked up cards until you had one to play, & sometimes I felt like I had the whole deck in my hand. I remember being so bummed when one of my sisters slammed down a DRAW FOUR card, but feeling so exhilarated when I had one to slam down on top of it. It is such a simple game, but I love the memories I have of my family sitting down to play it together.

Once Daddy & I got married, we bought the game of UNO for our own home, but I can't even remember the last time I played it...until last month.

We brought a bunch of board games up with us on our New Hampshire getaway. We had each chosen a game to bring along, but at the last minute, I grabbed UNO too. We opened up the box & went over the rules with you. It seemed like the perfect game for you at this age. You've had your colors down for a while, & numbers are something that you've been going over a lot at school. Still, I wondered if it would be tough for you to manage a bunch of cards.

It turns out, you are a little UNO shark. In no time, you were shouting out UNO & winning without breaking a sweat. It's a good thing we weren't playing for money, because Daddy & I may have lost a lot that night.

We've brought the UNO box back out a few times since then & even played with Grandma & Papa's set. I can't wait until we get together with my family for the holidays. Taking out the UNO set with my parents & siblings again will be so fun...especially when I'll get to look across the table at you shouting UNO & beaming with excitement.

I love you so,
Mommy

Last Friday Night

Dear Em,
It's fall, & we've been spending many of our Fridays at the pool. You love swimming, & I love swimming with you. Daddy & I have been so impressed with your budding swimming skills, & it's so fun to swim along with you. There has been a lot of splashing & floating competitions & giggles & family fun. Of course, I have to bring my camera along...

A few weeks ago, you & I had a night of swimming as just us girls. You had been asking to jump off the 3 meter diving board for over a year. Each time, Daddy has been too chicken to let you take the plunge. "Maybe when you're a little older," he would tell you as he shook his head in fear. I have to admit, I was feeling a little fearful too. Three meters is just so high! 

But then you asked me again when it was just the two of us. More often than not, I find myself holding my breath, not ready for you to take that next step or grow anymore into a young lady. I think after a long & hard work week, I was feeling the need to be brave. Somehow, I found myself saying yes. You climbed up the ladder timidly & slowly inched out onto the board. You gave me a nervous, questioning look. I tried to be as brave as I could for you. I gave you a thumbs up & a reassuring smile, & then you jumped!

My heart thumped out of my chest as you splashed into the water & finally swam up to the surface. You had a huge smile on your face. "I want to do it again!" I let you jump one more time before we had to leave. "Next time, I'm going to do a cannon ball," you exclaimed. Oh my goodness, I love you so freaking much my little dare devil.

I have to say, there's something pretty dang exhilarating about watching you conquer each first as you did on the 3 meter board that night. It gives me the inspiration & the confidence to try to conquer my own.

I love you so,

Mommy

You want to be a dress designer

Dear Em,
I remember when you weren't quite two & your teachers asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up. Other classmates wanted to be dinosaurs & firemen. You didn't know. Your teachers asked you what Mommy & Daddy did for work. "They go to work & then they pick me up from school," you said exasperated (I think it's kind of tough to explain insurance adjusting & a sales consulting to a 1 & 1/2 year old).

Years passed & you seemed to nail down what you wanted to be, a princess, of course. I explained to you that the only way you could be a princess is if you married a prince. While not impossible it could be really tough, especially because we don't have any princes in the USA.

Gradually, you realized that there were so many other things you wanted to be or do. With princessing taking up so much of your time, it would be challenging to also have 26 kids & be a teacher & run a dance studio & be an artist. It's 2015. Girls can have & be & do it all, but you also have to be practical. A person can only do so much.

You've somewhat put your dreams of being a princess on the back burner, & while you still want to be so many things, there is one front runner that has emerged. You want to be a dress designer. You will spend hours drawing dresses along with accessories like crowns & necklaces & capes. It's incredibly adorable & also incredibly inspiring to watch a little five year old (who looks more & more grown up every day) with big dreams.

Keep dreaming big, little girl. Knowing you, there will be nothing in life you can't do if you set your mind to it.

I love you so,

Mommy

Summer Beach Days 2015

Dear Em,
Typically Summer=Beach for us. That wasn't quite the case this year. After you injured your ankle, you were in a cast & then a boot. We spent a lot of time trying to rest your ankle, & mostly stayed away from the beach.

Though our beach trips were fewer than we would have liked, we enjoyed (& are thankful for) the beautiful & fun beach days that we were able to have this summer

Up until this year, you always went boogie boarding with me. I kind of carried you on the board out into the water & over the waves. Then we boogie boarded together. I always had at least one hand on your board at all times. 

This year you surfed the waves with Daddy & a friend. Daddy set you up for a nice wave...& then let you go. I have to say, I had about a thousand mini heart attacks watching you. During one big tumble in the waves, I bolted out of my beach chair & sprinted down the beach to you. I was ready to pick you up & hold you in my arms, shielding you from the dangers of the sea. "I'm fine, Mom," you said emphatically. Then you turned around & ran back into the water.

Sometimes we went beyond the waves & I used the board strap to tow you as you held onto the board on your own. Sometimes you tried to swim in the ocean without the board. You emerged from the water at the end of the day with scrapes all over your body & a great big smile. I was totally amazed by you & the fact you reached this incredible milestone. At the same time, it scares the crap out of me to see you surfing in the ocean waves without me being able to protect you the whole time. 

I didn't realize how often happiness & pride can simultaneously be felt alongside immense fear. It's funny how often your new milestones bring about those conflicting emotions. There are some days I want to wrap you in a bubble & keep you safe from any harm the world might bring. I know I have to let you go. I have to let you go to work through the tough times & rejoice in your victories. I have to let you go & watch you get hurt but get back up again. I have to let you go so that you have the ability to fly...not just fly, but soar. I have to let you go & watch your little body ride the big waves. Just know, that after a particularly big tumble in the waves, I'll always be standing by with open arms if you need them.

I love you so,

Mommy

On Being a Grown Up

Dear Em,
You were taking a bath when you proudly exclaimed, "I am a grown up." I smiled at you lovingly, feeling that time was spinning out of control & wishing that it would slow down. "Well, you're a big girl, but you're not a grown up," I corrected. "No, Mommy, really. I AM a grown up," you said with big, eager eyes.

"Well, are you 18 yet?" "No." "Do you have a job? Do you pay for your home & your food & your clothes?" "No." "Do you prepare yourself meals? Do you do your own laundry?" "No." "Well, I'm sorry, sweet heart, but you're not a grown up. Being a grown up means being responsible for yourself, providing for yourself, & taking care of yourself."

"But I have to be a grown up!!" Your eyes filled with tears, & you began crying.

"Sweet Pea, why do you want to grow up so quickly? Being a kid is one of the most fun things in life, & once you're not a kid anymore, you never get to be a kid again. You should enjoy being able to play instead of going to work. Enjoy learning & growing & having fun. I wish I could be a kid again. Why are you in such a rush to grow up?" I soothingly stroked your hair.

"I just have to be a grown up, because you have to be a grown up to have a baby. I REALLY want a baby."

I didn't realize it was possible for my heart to break at the very same time every part of my body was struggling not to laugh out loud. Somehow I kept a straight face as I stroked your hair some more. I reminded you that taking care of a baby is wonderful but it's also A LOT of hard work. I asked you once again not to rush the growing up process.

I mean, I know what it feels like to long for a child of your own...just not quite at such a young age. Right now, you want to have at least 26 kids. You plan to have at least two sets of twins & one set of triplets. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe if we had given you a brother or a sister you would know that babies are not all fun & games. Maybe you wouldn't be longing to have one of your own right now.

A month after we had this conversation, your best friend Savanna had come over. The two of you were playing dress up. You were a mom with three jobs & tons of kids. You had asked Savanna if she would babysit your kids while you went out. Savanna was in the middle of playing. "I don't really want to babysit now. Maybe I'll babysit another time."

You were perplexed. Your Nonnie is ALWAYS willing to babysit whenever the two of you play together. I don't think you've ever run into a babysitting problem before. "You said you won't take care of my kids, but I need someone to watch them!" Savanna simply replied, "I said I would watch them some day, but I'm busy today. There's a difference." You were exasperated. "So, I have all of these kids & no one to watch them?!!"

Exactly! Maybe now you'll want to wait a little while before you become a grown up?

I love you so,
Mommy

When the County Fair Comes into Town

Dear Em,
A few weeks ago the County Fair was in town. We had no intention of going to the fair this year. You had a boot protecting your right ankle, & we were trying our best to keep your foot up as much as possible.

On the night of the fair fireworks, we put you in a wagon & pulled you across the street. I held you in my arms as we oohed & ahhed over the pops of color. I was satisfied with the fun family evening. You were incredibly distressed. We had already missed the Seafood Festival for the first time since you were born. Seeing the lit up rides & games as we pulled you past was more than you could bear. Tears ran down your cheeks when you realized we had only made our way over to the fairgrounds for the fireworks. You wanted to ride the rides. You wanted to dance to the music.

Luckily for you, we saw the specialist the next day. He agreed that you could go to the Fair...as long as you wore your boot. You were happy to comply. That night you, Daddy, Nonnie, & I headed back over to the Fairgrounds. Your wish was to go on every ride, & you did just about that.

After we were out of ride tickets, we checked out the animals & plants & vegetables. We left the fair, all of us happily tired from a full & fun family night. As we walked back, a huge smile spread across your face. There's nothing like a County Fair to cure the I-ruptured-a-ligament-in-my-ankle-&-have-had-to-sit-with-my-foot-up-for-a-month blues.

A couple days later we hosted our annual Hickfest BBQ. Typically, we dress in a little bit more countrified version of ourselves, & we celebrate the fact that we live in a small, Podunk town with horse farms within walking distance. We order brisket from a local BBQ that runs out of a school bus. We have family & friends that come back year after year, & I think my favorite part of our annual BBQ is that we get to catch up with people & see how everyone's families have grown. There seems to be at least one new baby each & every year.

I don't know if when I was growing up living in a small town was part of my future plans, but I love the wide open spaces it gives you to grow. I also love when the County Fair comes into town. It's (surprisingly) one of the highlights of the year for me, & I'm so glad it was for you this year too...boot & all.

I love you so,

Mommy