Last Friday Night

Dear Em,
It's fall, & we've been spending many of our Fridays at the pool. You love swimming, & I love swimming with you. Daddy & I have been so impressed with your budding swimming skills, & it's so fun to swim along with you. There has been a lot of splashing & floating competitions & giggles & family fun. Of course, I have to bring my camera along...

A few weeks ago, you & I had a night of swimming as just us girls. You had been asking to jump off the 3 meter diving board for over a year. Each time, Daddy has been too chicken to let you take the plunge. "Maybe when you're a little older," he would tell you as he shook his head in fear. I have to admit, I was feeling a little fearful too. Three meters is just so high! 

But then you asked me again when it was just the two of us. More often than not, I find myself holding my breath, not ready for you to take that next step or grow anymore into a young lady. I think after a long & hard work week, I was feeling the need to be brave. Somehow, I found myself saying yes. You climbed up the ladder timidly & slowly inched out onto the board. You gave me a nervous, questioning look. I tried to be as brave as I could for you. I gave you a thumbs up & a reassuring smile, & then you jumped!

My heart thumped out of my chest as you splashed into the water & finally swam up to the surface. You had a huge smile on your face. "I want to do it again!" I let you jump one more time before we had to leave. "Next time, I'm going to do a cannon ball," you exclaimed. Oh my goodness, I love you so freaking much my little dare devil.

I have to say, there's something pretty dang exhilarating about watching you conquer each first as you did on the 3 meter board that night. It gives me the inspiration & the confidence to try to conquer my own.

I love you so,

Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

"Let her sleep

For when she wakes,

She will move mountains."

- Napoleon

On the way to New Hampshire, we had told you that we would climb to the top of a mountain. You looked at us, unsure and nervous, questioning your abilities. "Are you sure about this?"

Of course we didn't actually climb all of Cannon Mountain. We took a tram ride up 99.5% of it. "Mommy, I'm so glad we're not climbing this." You sighed with relief as we traveled through the air. We looked at all the other beautiful mountain tops in awe.

Once we got off the tram, we ate a quick lunch. We sat outside, just the three of us in the chilly mountain air. The views around us were incredible, & we had hot cocoa to warm our hands.

Then we made the 15 minute hike up an additional twenty feet to the very top of the mountain. Even though we were most of the way up, you were still unsure of yourself. You were also cold (I keep forgetting how much cooler it can be at the top of a mountain & to plan accordingly with winter clothes). I held your hands to keep them warm.

When we got to the first look-out spot, you squealed in delight. You became our photographer. Suddenly, the cold didn't have as much bite. How could it when we were standing in the midst of these mountain views?

We continued to hold hands until we got to the top of the observation tower. That way we made it to our destination at the exact same time. "We both won, Mom!" You only danced around for a only few moments, & we only took a few pictures. The wind was even stronger at the very top. 

We hurried back down to the warmth of the lodge & the ease of the tram ride down. 

I watched you as you watched the trees & the mountains. I smiled at my incredible & strong, little but fierce daughter. Sure, we had taken the tram almost the entire way up, but my little girl had just climbed a mountain...& I'm sure this was just one of many.

I love you so,

Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

"Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me..."

- "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten

I wicked love fun songs that get me pumped up. That's what this song does for me right now. You & I listened to this song together the other day, & you loved it too.

Here's to getting pumped up for a fun weekend together.

I love you so,

Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."

- Vincent van Gogh

I saw this quote in a flight magazine, & it really hit home. I think it really struck me mostly because it had always been a dream of mine to explore Italy & other parts of Europe. I wanted to see, in person, so many of the iconic structures & sights that are shown on TV & in listed in books. When I look up at the stars, I think of how so much is out there...& I want to experience so much of it. It was an exhilarating experience & immerse myself into other places & cultures last month.

I thought after taking our trip I would be able to cross a bunch of places off my list of places I want to travel too. Instead, it only added to my list. I want to see so much more & do so much more. And, yet, at the very same time I am so overwhelmingly contented with being back home.  I also love to just enjoy & explore the place we live with my little family.

I guess I just love that I can have it all.

So, I hope when you look up at the stars, they make you dream as well. I hope you dream big & find delight in the reality of your dreams. But I also hope you have a place that you love to call home, a jumping off point for your own dreams to take flight & a place you can come back to.

I love you so,

Mommy

Love Letters

Dear Em,

"Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall

Hope when the water rises, you built a wall

Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name

Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad

The only way you can know is give it all you have

And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain

Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...

I, I did it all

I, I did it all

I owned every second that this world could give

I saw so many places, the things that I did

With every broken bone, I swear I lived..."

- I Did It All by One Republic

When I first heard this song, I had to hear it again. I instantly downloaded it & listened to it on repeat for at least the next few days. Listening to it energized me. Yes, yes to all of it!

When I think of how I want to live my life, this song explains it so perfectly...& it's what I wish for you as well. We may fall down as we live this crazy thing called life, but fear of falling shouldn't stop us from trying. We get back up & make the most of each moment. If at the end of your life you can say you truly lived- you loved & you lost & you tried everything you wanted to try- that is what I wish for you.

I love you so,

Mommy

"Not every day is going to go your way."

Dear Em,
I was having a rough day. You could see the stress in my face. You looked up at me & asked me what was wrong. I had to work to calmly reply. "Today is just not going my way."

"Well, not every day is going to go your way. You & Dad tell me that all the time."

I laughed. Sometimes I think God created five year olds so that they can tell people exactly what they need to hear. I couldn't change the way the first half of that day had gone, but I could choose how I would spend the rest of it. I chose you & I chose sunshine & I chose art. My favorite way to destress is to create something.

So, you & I picked up our chalk & headed outside to the front walk. We created pictures in the sunshine, side by side.

You know what? the day didn't end up being so bad. Thanks for helping me turn my rough days around.

I love you so,

Mommy

Life Lessons Learned from My Best Friend's Wedding

Dear Em,
I wasn't feeling well on Friday. I came home & basically went straight to bed, but first I popped My Best Friend's Wedding into the DVD player. The movie was made in the 90s (I think), & I can't believe how outdated it already looks. It's been a while since I've watched it, but in college it was my go-to chick flick. If I was having a tough day or just feeling off, My Best Friend's Wedding was my movie of choice.

As I watched it this time, I realized that it holds a lot of life lessons that I want to share with you (you will probably have to watch the movie to understand some of the references).

1.) You Will Never Be Jello. There will be times that you will love someone who will not love you the same way back. It will hurt & it will be hard, but it doesn't mean that you are anything less than absolutely & completely amazing. It doesn't mean that you're not enough or you need to change who you are. It's just that some people prefer jello while others prefer creme brulee. You will never be jello. You can take a moment to cry about that & the fact that a relationship just isn't going to work out the way you had hoped, but don't take too long. Somewhere out there is the person who can appreciate & love creme brulee. Somewhere there is a person who will love everything about you, a person you can grow with. Until you find that person, just be yourself. The most important love is the kind you have for yourself. Just know, in your heart, how amazing & beautiful & smart you are...& love yourself for it.

2.) Don't Be Afraid to Love...& Say It Out Loud. I think too many people are afarid of love, but if it's real & it's true, love should never be something you're afraid of. The people we love are only on this earth for a finite time. Things can change so drastically from one day to another. When you love someone, don't be afraid to tell them. They might not say it back, & that's OK. When you're talking to you friends & family, let them know you love them often. When someone has been on your mind, but you haven't talked to that person in a while, don't be afraid to be the one to reconnect. In my life, it's not the times I shared my love that I regret. Instead, I wish I could have said so many more "I love yous." For some people, the moment has passed, & I can't go back. I'm trying not to let those moments go by. I tell you I love you at least 67,000 times a day, because you make my heart feel so full, I can't help but share it with you. Also, I don't want even one moment to pass by where you don't know how absolutely & completely loved you are.

3.) Make Sure You Remember Your Friends...You'll Need Them. When you're in a relationship, things change. You have to make room for that other person in your life, but that doesn't mean you no longer have room for your friends. You'll need your friends, the people who knew you before you became part of a couple. Sometimes they will remind you of who you are. Sometimes they will be a sounding board to vent to. Mostly, they're the people you can have fun with, make precious memories with, & laugh until you cry with. Plus, if things don't work out with your relationship, you'll need their shoulders to cry on (as they'll need your shoulder from time to time as well). Take time for your friends. If you're lucky, you will spend some of your life's most amazing moments with your gal pals.

4.) Music is Everything. Music makes the best moments that much sweeter. Music can also bring a smile to the most awful day. Music is sometimes like an old friend, giving you a sense of warm nostalgia when an old, cherished song comes on. A new song can also be like a new friend, being just what you need as you create new memories. I can't quite put to words the way music has made my life...greater? But I think if you surround yourself with music, you will find pieces of happiness that you otherwise would not have discovered.

5.) I Love Julia Roberts. Ok, this one isn't exactly a life lesson, but it needed to be said.

You're still a little young for My Best Friend's Wedding, but I look forward to someday sharing it with you. Yes, it is going to make you think I am ancient. The cell phones in this movie are the size of bricks. But we'll save the movie for a crappy day. We'll make popcorn & we'll eat ice cream out of the carton. We'll laugh & we'll sing & we'll cry over Julia Robert's heartbreak...& hopefully our crappy day will feel a little less crappy.

I love you so,
Mommy

Easter Recap 2015

Dear Em,
All week last week you were bubbling with excitement for Easter. You looked forward to scavenger hunts & goodies from Mr. E Bunny & time with family. I think the weekend lived up to every one of your expectations. We had such a precious Easter weekend this year.

We had a busy day on Saturday, but Daddy wanted to make sure we fit in time to dye Easter eggs. I was ready to skip the tradition. No one eats hard boiled eggs except for me. Daddy insisted, & I'm glad he did. You had so much fun decorating your eggs & were so proud to share your results with the Easter Bunny.

The night before Easter, while Daddy & I were playing Easter Bunny, Daddy turned to me & said, "This is my favorite part of being a parent. Well, my favorite part of being a parent is actually being a parent, but then there's this. There's only so long that this is going to be magical for her. She won't always believe in Santa & the Easter Bunny. These moments are such special moments that we won't have forever." 

It's true. You woke up Sunday with a sparkle in your eyes the next morning. "It's Easter! It's Easter!" You were beyond excited for the scavenger hunt you knew the Easter Bunny had in store for you, but you were content to fit in some morning family snuggles first.

"Hey Em, I just found these bunny ears, this basket, & a note for you," I said as I held out your first scavenger hunt clue. "It's clue number one of my scavenger hunt!! Come on! Let's start the scavenger hunt!" Your joy overflowed as you bounced up & down. This is what you had been waiting for. Daddy read you the clue, & you excitedly exclaimed where you thought the next clue would be. The Easter Bunny left eggs full of strawberries, raspberries, peanuts, & goldfish with each clue. You excitedly snacked as you went along.

The Easter Bunny ate the carrots we left out.

The last clue told you to look where you store your clothes that protect you from the rain. You threw open the downstairs closet door, looking right past your great big Easter basket & up at your rain jacket. "I guess I was wrong. Nothing is here," you said in the saddest voice. I tried not to giggle behind you. Your basket was right in front of you. All you had to do was look down. After breezing through the 25 clues of your scavenger hunt, it seemed to take forever before you finally spotted your big surprise.

The end of your scavenger hunt was bittersweet for you. You loved the Easter surprises your basket contained, but you were so sad that your scavenger hunt had already come to an end. "Oh, Mommy, that was so much fun. I wish that we could have Easter all over again."

You & I watched Annie (both the old & the new movies are your favorite- I'm so ecstatic to have a musical buddy) while Daddy cooked corn fritters. We ate our breakfast at Daddy's restaurant while the sun shone through the windows. It was kind of the perfect morning.

Later we headed out to share Easter dinner with family. You were so excited to see Grandma & Papa & your aunts, uncles, & cousins. You were also excited to participate in an egg hunt. There was candy & desserts galore & you happily ate until you had a stomachache.

We had such a fun day, & you were not thrilled about our Easter coming to an end. We snuggled together as we read books & said our prayers, & I asked you what your favorite parts of the day were. You loved that we spent the day with family, & you loved that your day was full of special treats. Most of all you loved your scavenger hunt.

I think my favorite part of the day was the magic. I know there will come a day when you learn that the Easter Bunny is not exactly what the stories have lead you believe, but I hope you will still find magic on Easter morning. It's been a long time since the Easter Bunny has left any surprises for me, but Easter is still such a magical time. For me, the magic comes in passing down traditions & creating new ones. I feel it as we get together with family to celebrate new life & growth. I see it as the first flowers begin to bud & bloom. There is such magic in knowing that we're celebrating Jesus dying for our sins & rising again so that we can one day do the same. More than anything, little girl, you & the excitement in your eyes & smiles across your face fill Easter with magic for me.

I love you so,

Mommy