Dear Em,
You had Nonnie's iPad in your room. You've been playing with her educational apps lately. "These apps are going to help me get ready for kindergarten," you tell me with importance. I heard you mumble something, & then I heard Siri's muffled reply. Her reply went something like, "I'm sorry. I don't understand." Then I heard her say the word "Princess," but I didn't catch everything.
Surprised that you even know how to use Siri, I went into your room to ask what you were talking to her about. You looked at me solemnly & said, "I don't know," in a way that clearly told me you did. You just didn't want to tell me. Maybe you were afraid you weren't supposed to be talking with Siri? Maybe you were really embarrassed about what you asked? Maybe you asked Siri something really bad? A million questions swirled around my head, but your mouth was buttoned shut in a hard line.
I smoothed your hair & told you I wasn't going to be mad, I just wanted to know what you had asked Siri. I told you what I had heard of her response & asked if I had heard right. "Did you ask Siri about Princesses?" It was at that moment you burst into tears. "I don't think I'm ever going to be one," you said as you collapsed into my arms. "I even wished it on a wishbone, & it didn't come true. I'm never going to be a princess." My heart melted as you shared with me your greatest desire. While it might not be the most practical dream, it's yours & it crushes my heart to see your misery in not obtaining it.
"Oh, Sweet Pea, there are so few Princesses in the world. There aren't any in the US. You will have to move away to a different country to become a Princess. Is that what you want?"
You looked at me, & dried your tears. "I thought they were only make believe. You mean, Princesses are real?" Suddenly your dream of becoming a Princess was alive again.
"So, what did you say to Siri," I asked you, still curious about the exact conversation. "I said, 'I want to be a Princess,'" you told me very seriously. And that was that. You continued to hug me tight as I held you. I smiled to myself thinking about the serious conversation you had with Siri & how you had shared your most precious wish with an iPad.
Sigh, it's these hilarious & precious & vulnerable & innocent moments of childhood that I wish I could hold onto forever.
I love you so,
Mommy
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