love letters

Dear Em,

"We're Rhode Island born & we're Rhode Island bred & when we die we'll be Rhode Island dead. So, go go Rhode Island Island. Go go Rhode Island Island. Go Rhode Island! URI!"

It never ceases to amaze me that people travel from all over the country to visit & fall in love with Rhode Island...but we get to live here! Rhode Island has it's faults, but to me it is one of the most magical, beautiful, & amazing places to be. I lived all over the country growing up, but it was in Rhode Island that I finally found my home. I can't tell you how fortunate I feel to be able to explore here, share precious moments with family & friends here, & watch you grow here...each & every day.

We packed a lot of Rhode Island fun into our summer, but one of my favorite things to do was visit the Narragansett Gazebo on Friday nights. Each week different bands & groups performed for free. We brought a giant beach towel & chairs (& sometimes beer & wine) & plopped ourselves down amongst a community of people, young & old.

You made new friends among the tons of littles running around & dancing on stage. I listened to the music, took in the smell of the sea air, & delighted in watching the gorgeous colors of the sunset. Sometimes you & I danced together. Sometimes, I enjoyed just sitting back & taking in my rosy cheeked little girl, so full of joy my heart felt like it could burst. Sometimes, you liked to be a photographer. You captured everything, & I loved the way a huge smile spread across your face when you took a picture of something you love.

Sometimes we also walked along the wall. We tried to make little rock towers as tall as we can. It was like piecing natural puzzles together, & each time the result would be a little different.

As the moon began to rise over the ocean, we almost always ended the night at Nanas for some gelato. Then we browsed through the quaint, little shops (Simply Natural is your favorite). You waved to the shop owners who have become more like friends.

We typically walked back to the car holding hands, & I couldn't help but think of how very much I love the place we live. I love the quirkiness of this state, the fun activities available all summer long, the gorgeous views, & the special community of people. I love that we're constantly discovering new favorite places, even though we live in the smallest state in the country. I love that you think summer is a holiday, & it's your favorite one. Most of all, I love sharing this wicked amazing, Ocean State with you & Daddy everyday.

I love you so,
Mommy

love letters

Dear Em,

"Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me..."

- "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten

I wicked love fun songs that get me pumped up. That's what this song does for me right now. You & I listened to this song together the other day, & you loved it too.

Here's to getting pumped up for a fun weekend together.

I love you so,

Mommy

Dance Recital 2015

Dear Em,
After 2 weeks of vacation, we're still transitioning back into reality. I plan to post about mine & Daddy's European adventure & your fantastic visit with Grandma & Papa. Today, however, I want to post about an event that we made it home just in time to celebrate: your dance recital.

This was your second year of dance, & you love it. In fact, this year you took a longer dance class & had two dances to perform in the recital. You turned five just in time that you could share the same dance class as your best friend, S. Girls being girls, sometimes the two of you would tumble out of your class in tears, but mostly you loved sharing your love of dance with the girl you love most in the world.

Still on Mediterranean time, I had woken up at 3am the day of your dance recital. I prayed I would be able to be alert & present for your special day. You were so excited to get all dressed up for your special event. I curled your hair before putting it up in a pony tail.

"Mom, we have to wear eye make-up, blush, & lipstick," you excitedly announced. Putting make-up on children is not a strength of mine, & yet I thought it would be a good idea to go one step further this year & add eyeliner. As it turns out, that was a very bad idea. It smudged everywhere & you looked like more of a zombie than a dancer. We basically had to wash everything off & start over. There were a few tears & a lot of frustration. "Mom, Miss Andrea actually said we only have to put on eye make-up, blush, & lipstick if we want to. We don't have to," you whimpered. The thrill of wearing make-up had obviously faded away for you.

We finished getting you ready just in time, but I had to squeeze in a few photos- knowing if we didn't capture them in that moment, we never would. Daddy is used to my tardiness & made me a sandwich, got as much packed into the car as he could, & didn't look too aggravated that I was running late...again.

I brought you to the room where you & your class would wait & got a little choked up seeing my ballerina with all of the other ballerinas. How had a year passed so quickly? How were we already at your second dance recital? How is it that my ballerina is growing up so quickly?

I blinked back tears, gave you kisses & hugs, & told you to do your best & have fun. I was already so incredibly proud of you, my beautiful ballerina. Then I left you to take my seat in the audience. This year's recital theme was "dancing Through the Decades." Your ballet dance, to the song I Want to Hold your Hand, was one of the first. Your little class looked so stinkin' cute standing on stage together, & you were the ballerina all the way to the right.

At one point in the dance, your class did a line of ballet poses. The poses rippled down the line, starting with the girl all the way to the left & ending with you. However, when it came your time to get into your pose position, each & every girl was in their graceful ballet poses...& you were standing with a thumbs up & big smile on your face. Ha!

Your next & final dance came toward the end of the recital. You girls came out in a black, sequined costumes that acted like disco balls when light caught the sequins. You performed a tap number to the song Turn the Beat Around. I smiled, watching you. You looked like you were having so much fun. I'm so glad that you've found something that you love, & hope you will stick with it for as long as you love it.

There was a finale with the whole dance company. You smiled & waved at the audience. To your delight, a pop of confetti covered the stage. I laughed as I found you back at the classroom after the finale. Most of your class was packed up to go & standing in line waiting for their parents. You & S looked like you had moved in. You were sitting in chairs, eating snacks. Your costumes & other belongings were strewn across the floor. I hugged you both. I was so proud of my silly, beautiful, amazing little dancers.

You left the middle school where you had performed to join your many fans waiting outside. Grandma & Papa were there with S's parents & Grandma. You & S both held double bouquets as you posed for the paparazzi pictures before we headed to a local restaurant to celebrate.

I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you. You worked on something for months, never giving up. You put it all out there in front of everyone & did your very best...in a style that was all your own. You absolutely dazzle me, little girl.

I love you so,
Mommy

Love Letters

Dear Em,

"Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall

Hope when the water rises, you built a wall

Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name

Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad

The only way you can know is give it all you have

And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain

Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...

I, I did it all

I, I did it all

I owned every second that this world could give

I saw so many places, the things that I did

With every broken bone, I swear I lived..."

- I Did It All by One Republic

When I first heard this song, I had to hear it again. I instantly downloaded it & listened to it on repeat for at least the next few days. Listening to it energized me. Yes, yes to all of it!

When I think of how I want to live my life, this song explains it so perfectly...& it's what I wish for you as well. We may fall down as we live this crazy thing called life, but fear of falling shouldn't stop us from trying. We get back up & make the most of each moment. If at the end of your life you can say you truly lived- you loved & you lost & you tried everything you wanted to try- that is what I wish for you.

I love you so,

Mommy

Throwback Thursday: Dance

Dear Em,

Are you absolutely my daughter, or what?

TBT: Me

You this past weekend.

I love you so,

Mommy

Stereos & Morning Dance Parties

Dear Em,
You were gifted a karaoke machine for Christmas. You don't use the microphone very often (you don't really need to, you project your voice very well all on your own). Instead, you've started to use your karaoke machine as your very own stereo.

Lately, Daddy & I have been woken up to the sound of music...the sound of Annie to be specific. You have the Annie soundtrack on CD. You pop it into "your stereo" pretty much whenever you're in your room. From my bedroom, I can hear your music blaring. Daddy & I feel like we're already seeing glimpses of what life might be like when you're a teenager.

It was just past 6am the other morning when I peeked into your room, & you were dancing all around & singing along at the top of your lungs. You looked up at me, smiling from ear to ear. "Mommy, I'm having a dance party. Want to have a dance party with me?!"

Can I just tell you how much I freaking love you?

I love you so,

Mommy

Life Lessons Learned from My Best Friend's Wedding

Dear Em,
I wasn't feeling well on Friday. I came home & basically went straight to bed, but first I popped My Best Friend's Wedding into the DVD player. The movie was made in the 90s (I think), & I can't believe how outdated it already looks. It's been a while since I've watched it, but in college it was my go-to chick flick. If I was having a tough day or just feeling off, My Best Friend's Wedding was my movie of choice.

As I watched it this time, I realized that it holds a lot of life lessons that I want to share with you (you will probably have to watch the movie to understand some of the references).

1.) You Will Never Be Jello. There will be times that you will love someone who will not love you the same way back. It will hurt & it will be hard, but it doesn't mean that you are anything less than absolutely & completely amazing. It doesn't mean that you're not enough or you need to change who you are. It's just that some people prefer jello while others prefer creme brulee. You will never be jello. You can take a moment to cry about that & the fact that a relationship just isn't going to work out the way you had hoped, but don't take too long. Somewhere out there is the person who can appreciate & love creme brulee. Somewhere there is a person who will love everything about you, a person you can grow with. Until you find that person, just be yourself. The most important love is the kind you have for yourself. Just know, in your heart, how amazing & beautiful & smart you are...& love yourself for it.

2.) Don't Be Afraid to Love...& Say It Out Loud. I think too many people are afarid of love, but if it's real & it's true, love should never be something you're afraid of. The people we love are only on this earth for a finite time. Things can change so drastically from one day to another. When you love someone, don't be afraid to tell them. They might not say it back, & that's OK. When you're talking to you friends & family, let them know you love them often. When someone has been on your mind, but you haven't talked to that person in a while, don't be afraid to be the one to reconnect. In my life, it's not the times I shared my love that I regret. Instead, I wish I could have said so many more "I love yous." For some people, the moment has passed, & I can't go back. I'm trying not to let those moments go by. I tell you I love you at least 67,000 times a day, because you make my heart feel so full, I can't help but share it with you. Also, I don't want even one moment to pass by where you don't know how absolutely & completely loved you are.

3.) Make Sure You Remember Your Friends...You'll Need Them. When you're in a relationship, things change. You have to make room for that other person in your life, but that doesn't mean you no longer have room for your friends. You'll need your friends, the people who knew you before you became part of a couple. Sometimes they will remind you of who you are. Sometimes they will be a sounding board to vent to. Mostly, they're the people you can have fun with, make precious memories with, & laugh until you cry with. Plus, if things don't work out with your relationship, you'll need their shoulders to cry on (as they'll need your shoulder from time to time as well). Take time for your friends. If you're lucky, you will spend some of your life's most amazing moments with your gal pals.

4.) Music is Everything. Music makes the best moments that much sweeter. Music can also bring a smile to the most awful day. Music is sometimes like an old friend, giving you a sense of warm nostalgia when an old, cherished song comes on. A new song can also be like a new friend, being just what you need as you create new memories. I can't quite put to words the way music has made my life...greater? But I think if you surround yourself with music, you will find pieces of happiness that you otherwise would not have discovered.

5.) I Love Julia Roberts. Ok, this one isn't exactly a life lesson, but it needed to be said.

You're still a little young for My Best Friend's Wedding, but I look forward to someday sharing it with you. Yes, it is going to make you think I am ancient. The cell phones in this movie are the size of bricks. But we'll save the movie for a crappy day. We'll make popcorn & we'll eat ice cream out of the carton. We'll laugh & we'll sing & we'll cry over Julia Robert's heartbreak...& hopefully our crappy day will feel a little less crappy.

I love you so,
Mommy

My Favorite Way to Start the Work Week

Dear Em,
Happy Monday! In defiance of the winter blues (technically it's Spring, but there's still snow on the ground), we've started to put music on while we get ready in the morning. In our house, when music is on there is probably a little bit of dancing going on too. I am probably one of the world's worst dancers, but you don't mind. We dance ourselves silly. It's hilarious & it's amazing.

It's probably my very favorite way to start the work week.

I love you so,
Mommy

Love Letters

Dear Em,

"How long will I love you?

As long as stars are above you

And longer, if I can.

How long will I need you?

As long as the seasons need to

Follow their plan.

How long will I be with you? 

As long as the sea is bound to

Wash upon the sand.

How long will I want you?

As long as you want me to

And longer by far..."

- "How Long Will I Love You" by Ellie Goulding

I have loved this song ever since I first heard it, mostly because it makes me think of you. This is how I felt the very first time I ever learned of you, as you were beginning to grow inside my womb. Then I held you in my arms for the very first time. Words cannot express the joy & the love I felt at that moment. My heart felt like it would burst. Each & every day, somehow I fall in love with you all over again. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love you anymore than I already do, the next day dawns & I find that I love you a little more than I did the day before. How is that even possible?

I wiped down our chalkboard wall just before Christmas. I had plans to put up lyrics from different Christmas hymns, but the holiday season kind of got away from me & it never happened. This past weekend I was itching to create, & you & I went to work bringing color once again to our chalkboard wall. I used these chalkboard markers to write the words to a question that I ask you almost every day. "How long will I love you." You smile & answer, "as long as stars are above you." I hug you tight as I whisper, " and longer, if I can."

You helped me pick out the colors as I wrote. When I was done writing love letters all over the wall, you & I both set out drawing pictures. You made hearts with pictures of our family within them. I filled the wall with some of our favorite things- ocean waves, anchors, your little handprints, flowers, rainbows, hearts, stars, & flowers. I made a sunshine with the words, "have a great day," right next to where you grab your coat & backpack from each day.

When we finished, we both loved the result. The colors are so bright & cheerful (a perfect offset to the winter grays). It makes me so happy to wake up & see our wall of love before we start each day. And that, my love, is just one of the ways we survive winter in New England. Even on the gray days, we choose love.

I love you so,
Mommy