Love Letters

Dear Em,

"How long will I love you?

As long as stars are above you

And longer, if I can.

How long will I need you?

As long as the seasons need to

Follow their plan.

How long will I be with you? 

As long as the sea is bound to

Wash upon the sand.

How long will I want you?

As long as you want me to

And longer by far..."

- "How Long Will I Love You" by Ellie Goulding

I have loved this song ever since I first heard it, mostly because it makes me think of you. This is how I felt the very first time I ever learned of you, as you were beginning to grow inside my womb. Then I held you in my arms for the very first time. Words cannot express the joy & the love I felt at that moment. My heart felt like it would burst. Each & every day, somehow I fall in love with you all over again. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love you anymore than I already do, the next day dawns & I find that I love you a little more than I did the day before. How is that even possible?

I wiped down our chalkboard wall just before Christmas. I had plans to put up lyrics from different Christmas hymns, but the holiday season kind of got away from me & it never happened. This past weekend I was itching to create, & you & I went to work bringing color once again to our chalkboard wall. I used these chalkboard markers to write the words to a question that I ask you almost every day. "How long will I love you." You smile & answer, "as long as stars are above you." I hug you tight as I whisper, " and longer, if I can."

You helped me pick out the colors as I wrote. When I was done writing love letters all over the wall, you & I both set out drawing pictures. You made hearts with pictures of our family within them. I filled the wall with some of our favorite things- ocean waves, anchors, your little handprints, flowers, rainbows, hearts, stars, & flowers. I made a sunshine with the words, "have a great day," right next to where you grab your coat & backpack from each day.

When we finished, we both loved the result. The colors are so bright & cheerful (a perfect offset to the winter grays). It makes me so happy to wake up & see our wall of love before we start each day. And that, my love, is just one of the ways we survive winter in New England. Even on the gray days, we choose love.

I love you so,
Mommy