love letters

Dear Em,

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

- Everybody's Free by Baz Luhrmann 

Like I said previously, growing up, we spent a lot of summers at Lake Winnepesaukee. For as long as I can remember, I watched people jump off of huge rocks into the lake. It always fascinated me in way that I found myself holding my breath until their heads popped back up from the water, safe & sound. I never jumped off the rocks myself. First, I don't think my mom would have ever let me. Second, like I said, thinking about jumping off the rocks scared the crap out of me.

Until this summer.

We were hanging out at the island, swimming & lounging & laughing. Your Uncle Jared started swimming over to the tall rocks. "Jared, are you going to jump off," I asked him. "I'm thinking about it," he replied. If he was going, I was going too. I turned to Daddy, & he decided to come too.

We swam over to the base of the high rocks. Jared checked for rocks under the water until he found the best spots for us to land. Then we climbed. Climbing up the rock in my bathing suit was almost as scary as thinking about making the jump itself...almost.

I watched Jared & Daddy plan their jumping trajectory. Then Daddy went for it. He just ran & jumped. I think my heart stopped until he bobbed back up from the water. Jared's turn was next. He too jumped in & bobbed back up.

I was the last one left on the rock. I looked at how far I was going to have to jump to clear the rock, & absolute fear set in. I changed my mind. I wanted to go back to being a rock jumping spectator. "I don't think I can do this," I yelled down to Daddy & Jared. Except that I wasn't sure how I was going to get down off this high rock if I didn't jump.

Daddy & Jared yelled up instructions from the water. You looked up at me hopefuylly too, chanting "Go Mommy, go Mommy, go Mommy." I tested my footing a little further down the rock. Fear overwhelmed my whole body. I felt like a heard of butterflies filled my stomach. I felt a little like throwing up. But you know what, I jumped anyways. I held my breath & just jumped.

It was exhilerating to hit the water & realize I was still alive. "Let's do it again," I said immmeadiately, & we did.

Em, sometimes it's an amazing thing to feel fear but take the jump anyways. And I mean the figurative jump. I'm not encouraging you to go jumping off rocks...not at all. Please, don't jump off rocks. You'll give your poor mother a heart attack.

I love you so,

Mommy