getting tubes...again

Dear Em,
It was what I had expected to hear. If I was being truly honest, it was even what we had wanted to hear. Still, when I heard it, it felt like a smack across the face.

"We gave it the old college try, but I think we need to consider tubes. It's time to also think about having the adenoids removed too."

The doctor said tubes & adenoids, but the only words I heard in my head were surgery & anesthesia.

This wasn't exactly new to us. After six ear infections & six round of antibiotics in six months, you had tubes put in last year (you can read about our experience here, here, & here). It was the most terrifying experience I've ever had to go through (My heart aches for the children & families of truly sick children...I can't imagine having to face the hospital & watching a child in pain everyday). It was also what was best for you. We knew it had been the right thing to do when after such a battle with ear infections & pain, you were yourself again. You were ear infection free, & you were our sweet little Emma again.

And then you weren't. The first ear infection started this past December. You suffered through Christmas & your birthday. You've had to be a warrior ever since. You've experienced 4 more ear infections since then (& I think you may have another right now). Worse than that, we've learned that your poor little ears have been clogged since at least December. We saw multiple doctors & tried allergy meds & nasal spray. The ear infections continued.

Which is what brought us back to the ENT to hear those words.

Today is the day you go to get get tubes & have your adenoids removed. I know it's the best thing & the right thing for you, but the right thing couldn't be more scary to me. I know I won't breathe...won't truly breathe...from the time I bring you into the operating room until the moment you're back in my arms. I'll be saying prayers for you & the operating team until the moment I know you're safe.

I love you so,
Mommy