Our little love turns two

Dear Em,
I had high hopes for your birthday. You were turning two, & I wanted your day to be so special. I had the day off. Daddy planned to finish work early so that we could open your presents together, sing happy birthday, & eat cupcakes before heading to Grandma & Papa's house for a fun celebration.

The night before your birthday, I asked you what you wanted to do on your special day. I listed things like the park & playdough, but you said you wanted to go shopping. Shopping. Really? OK. That was fine by me, I guess. I had a million after Christmas errands to run, but I was worried about how special running errands would be for you. It's what you picked, though, so I went with it.

The next morning (after we scared you half to death bursting in your bedroom to say Happy Birthday), I dressed you in your "2" shirt & pink tutu & off we went. It became evident in the first store that listening was not going to be one of your strengths that day. After wrestling my shopping list out of my hands (& screaming & whining until you had it in hand), you ripped it in half. Before we even got to the second store, it was clear the day was not going well. Luckily, I had a special surprise.

That morning I had asked you what you wanted for breakfast & you said "mac & cheese!" Panera has mac & cheese & I thought it would be special for us to go out for lunch, just the two of us. Fast forward to you throwing yourself down on the Panera Bread parking lot & refusing to walk. I thought maybe once you had some food in your belly, you would be more like yourself & the tantruming two year old I had spent the day with would be long gone.  We sat down to eat. You looked so adorable & so big as you sat in the booth opposite me & used the big Panera spoon to put your mac & cheese in your mouth. I felt the tension leave my body as you sat there so sweetly.

And then you spit out the mac & cheese & threw it on the floor (I guess it's just not Kraft mac & cheese). You spent the rest of the Panera experience making a cheesy mess all over. You stood on the booth & tried to dare-devil jump off of it. You slid to the floor & under the table (in the cheesy mess). You attempted to push your entire tray of food on the floor. When I wasn't shoveling my food down my throat as quickly as possible so we could leave, I was wondering where my well behaved child was & telling you not to do something or telling you I didn't like how you were acting or asking why you weren't listening to Mommy...& I was hating myself the entire time.

This day was supposed to be a special day. Instead, you were acting every bit like a two year old & I was telling you not to do something at every turn.

With cheese in your hair, we went home. You went down for your nap...except that you didn't. Instead of napping, you played in your crib. I laid you back down three times in hopes that after a nap, you would wake up refreshed. No luck. I had basically given up on you taking a nap altogether when you finally fell asleep 30 minutes before you typically wake up. Since you fell asleep late, you woke up late. This left no time for opening presents, singing, & eating cupcakes before heading to Grandma & Papa's. So, you woke up & we rushed out the door.

That night I confessed to your daddy that I was wicked bummed out by your birthday. I hadn't had big plans, but I had hoped for a special day. Instead, I felt like I had spent the whole day disciplining you. Your special day was just awful. I felt disappointed for you.

I asked Daddy if we could have a birthday redo, & he thought that was a great idea. Neither of us had to work the next day. On the day of your birthday redo we got to spend the whole day together, just the three of us. We opened presents. We sang. We colored with chalk & markers. We played with play dough. We danced. We ate cupcakes. We didn't leave the house. It was an amazing & special day.

Not every day will go as planned, my little love (especially during your twos), but it'll be OK as long as we have each other.

I love you so,

Mommy